20.12.03
im displeased. and that's an understatement. i just feel like smothering all of you with a pillow and end this turmoil because in the end, you still wont know why i did it. i dont want to explain all of this shit. some people that revolve around my world just makes everything utterly distasteful. but i just wish i never knew some of you. really. i hate it.
denise, all i can say about you is that you're such a loser. firstly, you should not be so petty. secondly, you should never harbour any violent tendancies against the people you know. thirdly, you should refrain from using the word 'hate', it's too strong.
i still feel like killing these people.
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he got me a pebble. i am supposed to be thrilled because at last, someone's shedding warmth onto this cold planet that i live on. im thankful he remembered, but im still not recovering.
all this would seem so ridiculous when it's all over.
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dancing sure compensated for some of the 'lack of happiness'. seems like instead of mental problems, im now subjected to a bout of flu. argh.
havent had the chance to feel hungry today. which means that i ate nonstop. does that make life any happier? i dont know. but at the very least, others are pretty happy, which is what makes me feel relieved.
will someone just drag me out of this pit?
something held me back and didnt allow me to face you. perhaps it's just the fear that history would repeat itself. life is weird in the sense that when you want something so so much it just doesnt come but when you are giving it up, it just comes up with this huge offer which you'd find irresistable before. but not in the present. i know that you'll be able to help me out of this shit because it has always worked, but im afraid that it's time i looked for a different approach. an approach that isnt so filled with potential landmines.
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18.12.03
i can hear the people next door scraping something. i can hear it through my wall and it seems so so close. freaks me out. gives me the feeling that they can just budge through into my study room and invade my territory. heh. initially i thot it was some moth or something trapped behind the cupboard and was fluttering its wings real hard cos it was stuck. but apparently not. eeks, there it goes again..hate that scraping sound!
after a bout of severe stomach contractions last night, i was greeted with diarrhoea this morning. shall spare the details. hehx. lately my body has been behaving funny. i cant stand the unpredictability of it all...when i get attacked by an ailment so swiftly that it just wrecks my day. oh wells...
my mum scolded me for playing freecell on the comp ystday. she even wanted to delete the game. i will never permit that! like freecell's my only link to the intellectual world. haha. or so it seems...and it's so precious to me. think she just cant stand the sight of me enjoying myself with some ridiculous card game...she says it's a waste of time. wait till she experiences the thrill of getting a 100% win... :P
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over secretion of gastric juices again. it hurts so darn badly i want to scream. it's worse than menstrual cramps. somehow it seems as if typing it out in a blog entry would ease the pain and make it go away. it all began with my regular source, the one and only you-know-who. drats. wonder what the link is. it's been a long time since the pains visited, and now they have made a comeback, just like how she has.
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the water supply has been cut off in our area. something about a water pipe bursting and so there is water rationing for the next two hours or so. hate the feeling of not having water coming out from the tap. then this truck came with this big water tank and the man let us collect some water from it. pretty cool experience. but somehow i felt like a refugee. haha. will probably have to go the extent of going to grandma's house to bathe. haha.
watched this programme on animal planet. it was absolutely moving. the extent people are willing to go to for animals. so so lovely. -sobs- it's a pity im afraid of animals, or i would, perhaps, be a veterinarian. hahha. i want to heal crocodiles...oh manx, their feet are so adorable. haha. but other than that, they arent that great. hmmz...
just figured out that sis is bathing. which means that water's back. cheated on my feelings. thought i could go on an exciting adventure to grandma's house on the account that there isnt water at home. disappointing... :(
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16.12.03
my bowling instructor is remarkably nice. there are two of them - one's an impatient guy and the other's a patient guy. and obviously im talking abt the patient one. :)
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suffered from really bad dizzy spells this afternoon. wonder what triggered it off. and to make things worse, i felt nauseous too. all that made my thoughts run wild... -_- but surprisingly, inspite of all that uneasiness, i managed to achieve a 100% win for Freecell. that's a once in a blue moon thing. funny how the human brain functions. i guess i just fumbled along in the game, clicking here and there and i managed somehow. decided that i had to give the bbq a miss. was not worth going there and feeling horrible and dragging everyone's spirits down. oh wells. and braces is back. weird feeling. braces are sure ugly things, just that i never realised. the price one has to pay for beauty - im expected to pay for half the dental fees with my edusave scholarship money! now i feel the pinch man. i should have worn the retainers, i should have worn the retainers.
i am so sick mentally and physically.
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14.12.03
singing rocks my life! :D there's no life without music.
life is still very much on the rocks. or rather, huge tides are still crashing violently on the rocks (ie. Us). k, that was a horrible metaphor. anyway, just any minor minor incident is capable of triggering off an entire uproar and all of us are virtually on tenterhooks. it's utterly unnerving.
to a dear friend...i'd love to be by your side when u're feeling down and out, but im sorry i couldnt. im glad that you remembered at least. that i was your friend. i dont know how to explain the entire feeling. i just wanna wish you all the best and hope you'll be happy always. regardless of what happens. i care for you. smile, because i feel comforted whenever you do. :)
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